I love an album that makes me think. I like brilliant visuals, rich content and topics that force the listener to introspect. Delaney and Paris have conquered all of these things in their record “Cute But Not Nice”. The songs are awe-inspiring, profound and will likely help you to have several epiphanies about the world around us.


The first song that really made a place in my mind had a soothing guitar intro to it. The dual female vocalists come in together asking questions. They know things are hard, but they’re ready for them. In fact, they want to own those hard things. This heartfelt aural new-age psalm is called: “I Wanna Have a Penis.” With great passion Delaney and Paris discuss wanting to ejaculate on other people’s faces and jerk off in the repetitive motion that men are known for. They fearlessly explore a “rawhide vagina” and the struggle that can come trying to reach climax while living with desensitized vaginal walls. I stopped everything I was doing when that one came on the playlist. I heard a longing in their voices and knew that this was something that the world needed to hear.


“Murder is Fun” covers a broad spectrum of the incentives of homicide. Per our songwriters these incentives include vaginal lubricant from the blood of the dead, shoe warmers from dismembered feet, and basket weaving materials from the skin of the fallen. I never looked at it that way before. Visual descriptions are well met in this song as they sing an entire verse about placing a Slap Chop (As Seen on TV!) up their vaginas and utilizing the kitchen appliance for abortions. Guess what else? They bang the dead fetus. I was tickled pink with the portrait that they painted in my eyes.


“Cute But Not Nice” has these aforementioned gems and so many more on it. My favorite one is called “My Herpes Hurt”. It is a harrowing tale of the venereal disease that the vocalist duo shares and their intense investigation to find the vector of transmission. They have a rich and thorough debate on whether it was a shampoo bottle that they both masturbated with, someone that they threw around the barracks for bangs or if they simply transmitted it while indulging in one another. That one really made me think. I needed to go meditate after it.


This album is repulsive. It is vile and often just downright offensive. Written completely in poor taste with no regard to anything other than achieving as many orgasms as possible. Therefore I adore it. Five out of five stars. Two thumbs up. Slap Chop abortions forever! Get this record, you won’t regret it.



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Ando Ehlers | 
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